Sad day...

I'm feeling really sad today, I think maybe more so than other days because Brandon left today after being here for about a month. I feel so blessed that we had this time together, all three of us, but it just made it worse for him to leave today.
I just watched Mason lay his head on his shoulder, and grab on to his shirt, and thought I feel the same way Mason, "let's not let him leave!", I wish it was that easy, where a hug and a tug on his shirt would make everything different, and make it able for him to stay :)

I don't think I'm having any postpartum depression, because I have absolutely no bad thoughts of Mason, or resentment of Mason, anything to do with the baby. Just myself, really.. I think that many people struggle with changes after their baby is born.. I feel like I have just had SO many changes within the last couple months on top of Mason being here, it has just all piled up into one big thing for me.

I feel like I can't even sleep sometimes, because I am literally thinking of every bad choice I have made, every change that has happened, are all the bottles washed?, is the laundry done?, have I even eaten today?, is Mason okay?, Am I okay? Ugh! It gets overwhelming!!

Sometimes I just find myself so out of it from lack of sleep, and anxiety, that it's hard for me to even show emotion.. Totally not like me! I have a doctor appointment tomorrow, for my 6 week check-up, so maybe the doctor will do something for me (besides tell me I'm crazy!) haha